What will my child call me?

I was having this conversation with Tanya the other day...

Perhaps it's because I'm about a month away from the marriage ceremony, or because the possibility of children at some point...but I realized that I'll have a decision to make.

Will my child call me "Dad"?

Or while my child address me with the korean "아빠" (Appa)?


Perhaps most will find this insignificant. Or they'd say that my korean stinks enough that I should probably just stink with "dad".

But here's why it's significant, at least to me.

I don't have a "dad". Or a "father".

I have an 아빠. Or an 아버지 (Ah-buh-gee).


Illustration? I asked Tanya how she'd feel if our kid called her "엄마" (Umma), the equvalent of Mom in Korean. She said it would be weird...

And why? Because she called her mom "Mama", which is how Russian children address their moms...and so to receive an unfamiliar address would be strange.


Now, for me, I wouldn't find being called "dad" as foreign as she would being called Umma, because I grew up speaking English natively, but it's still pretty similar.

My earliest memories and thoughts were formed around calling my dad by the Korean title. Which essentially hits home harder.

Saying "I'm a dad" to myself doesn't quite have the effect as the thought "I'm an 아빠 now."

Even as I type it the difference in emotional effect is striking. The weight is apparent.

This by the way, is why 2nd generation Korean Americans, or really, any immigrant children growing up in a dual-lingual context may feel disconnected when they go to church and hear "God is our Father". They never had a "father". They had an 아빠. Or "Papa" (the Russian "dad"). Or whatever.

The lack of sincerity in the public sphere.

(previously unpublished, just thought I'd throw it out there for the heck of it...this is a unpolished and incomplete thought-stream type of entry).

I've given in, yes. Facebook updates and twitter have literally relegated us to quick posts about things which are overall inconsequential. Even our responses have been reduced to a quick "click" of "Like".

Occasionally there's that thread of comments on facebook, but it's so rare nowadays.

More than ever I notice the creeping in of insincerity into everyday relationships, and our complacency with it.

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The problem with me is, I've grown tired of attempting to foster such intimacy with people; indeed, such that I've sometimes scoffed at others' attempts to foster it, because I believe that their efforts will either end in futility or in an enclave of over-sensitivity.

Is this really the way it should be?

To elaborate more, I've come to realize that there are varying degrees to which people find themselves able to emote and relay inward thoughts and emotions to other people. Some of this has to do with extrovertedness and introvertedness.

Historically, I often found it exasperating attempting to access the inward thoughts and emotions of others who were not oriented as I was; I shared feelings and contemplations readily, and loved to bounce things out in the open sphere. Yet I became aware that this is often difficult or even impossible for people of a more introverted disposition and nature; hence a tension created on both ends in the form of perceived needs vs being considerate of the disposition of the other.

Here is the rub though; I would think that the best way to resolve these tension would be through discussion, but introverts usually prefer not to have discussion! I have to thereby resolve this new tension by reasoning to myself that often these kinds of tensions can be resolved by subtle hints and unspoken conflict resolution. But wow is that difficult.